The Universe has humbled me, big time, more than once. It SUCKED! My ego was not a happy camper in those moments. But I don’t regret it because that’s when I learned some of the most valuable lessons.
The one that has probably had the greatest impact on my life is, “My ego is not my friend.” It’s safe to say that I wouldn’t be the version of me that I am today without having first learned that lesson.
I’ve come to learn, after repeated Divine interventions, in the form of spiritual gut punches and smacks upside the head, that satisfying one’s ego is like eating junk food. It’s delicious and feels good in the moment, but it’s empty calories. Too much, and it becomes toxic and highly destructive, not just to the person with the inflated ego, but to everyone they come in contact with.
Humans have been gorging themselves on ego for centuries. Social media has increased that consumption exponentially, to the point where things are about to explode. From my point of view, it seems as though every problem in this world can be traced back to someone’s unchecked ego.
I believe that saving humanity and this planet will require an ego death on a massive scale, and many people aren’t ready for a transformation of that magnitude. Putting your ego aside is super suckalicious! It doesn’t go down without a fight. I imagine it’s similar to battling an addiction. The addiction to ego has been fed to us since infancy. We’ve become enormously accustomed to having it. Letting it go is extremely uncomfortable, even painful, and at times, terrifying AF.
Signs of ego are everywhere
When you learn to spot it, an unchecked ego is easy to locate. It can be found almost everywhere:
- a sense of entitlement
- sarcasm
- violence
- greed
- corruption
- exploitation
- patriarchy
- religion
- arrogance
- politics
- cults
- conspiracy theories
- conspiracies
- mysogeny
- insecurity
- fear that is not tied to an actual threat
- bigotry
- supremacy/supriority
- etc.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, but you get the drift. I believe that if something is unnecessarily harmful, it can probably be tied back to an unchecked ego.
Unchecked egos lead to believing lies
The trickiest part is that society as a whole has been taught that some harmful things are necessary or even inevitable, when in fact they aren’t. The truth is:
- Poverty, food insecurity, and homelessness can and should be eradicated from the face of the earth.
- Nobody works hard enough to earn/deserve a billion dollars, especially when the employees need government benefits to survive, and people are starving all over the world.
- Most poor people aren’t lazy; they’re often overwhelmed, sick, being exploited, or all of the above.
- Sarcasm is not the flex you think it is.
- It doesn’t matter if you vote left or right or somewhere in between as long as you vote for the people who serve ALL their constituents, not just some of them.
- Beliefs are not facts and therefore aren’t mandatory, nor should they be weaponized to get or maintain power.
- Opinions are not a valid argument against facts.
Again, I could go on for pages, but you get the idea.
Emotions are the body’s check engine light
I have discovered that emotions, including rage and hate, are the body and mind’s way of signalling that something needs your attention. The ego, in a misguided attempt at protecting you, tells you to suppress your emotions, blame others, take it out on those around you, project your own crap externally, protect your comfort zone at any cost, so you don’t have to feel or face any of it. The problem is that until you deal with it and feel it, you can’t heal it and let it go. Whatever it is stays, corroding you from the inside out, till you get physically ill, seriously injured, or lose everything, and can’t ignore it anymore.
So, next time something pisses you off, instead of allowing your ego to react to the trigger with violence of some sort, ask yourself why it’s triggering you. Keep asking yourself why till you get to the core of the matter. You’ll know you’ve arrived when you’re no longer angry. Then you need to figure out whether there’s a legitimate issue to address (calmly, rationally, and in collaboration with those it affects) or if your ego is just butthurt and you need to get over yourself.
Here are some of the common ego objections I’ve personally come across:
- It makes me uncomfortable because it’s not what I’m used to.
- I don’t understand it, which feels scary, and I don’t like feeling like a moron.
- I prefer things to be done my way.
- Being inconvenienced upsets me.
- I’m overstimulated a.k.a. in sensory overload.
- I yell when I panic.
- It contradicts my long-held beliefs.
- I feel vulnerable.
- I’m tired of struggling and feeling powerless. Blaming others makes me feel better.
- It’s hard to be happy for other people’s successes when I’m busting my ass just to avoid being homeless.
- Something you’ve said or done has made something I’m ashamed of come to the surface, and I don’t like how it feels.
- How dare you live your best life when I’m not living mine!
- It’s not fair!
- Please don’t hold me accountable for what I’ve said or done. I don’t like how it feels, and I don’t want to face the consequences.
- I feel scared or embarrassed, or something else I’ve been told is weak, and that I’m forbidden to feel all my feelings; otherwise, I’m punished for it, so I’m expressing it as rage instead, because that feels like less of a threat.
- But if I don’t have _________ then who am I?
- Sorry for being a shitty human being. I haven’t yet realized that I am good enough and have worth simply because I exist
- Apologies for being a subpar version of who people said I was supposed to be. I didn’t realize it was okay to just be me.
- Stop being so authentic! You’re making me look bad.
- Your confidence is amplifying my insecurity.
How about you? What other ones have you encountered? Write them in the comments.
The best way to quiet the ego
So, once you’ve discovered your ego has been running amok and making a mess everywhere, how do you rein it in? The answer is one of those simple, but not easy solutions. Simple to comprehend, but not always easy to implement.
When you notice your (or someone else’s) ego rearing its head where it doesn’t belong, say to yourself, “It’s not about me.” Remind yourself that just because something isn’t what you’re used to, that doesn’t automatically mean it’s bad. Or just because someone is yelling at you, it doesn’t mean they’re mad at you. They could just be venting or projecting their own crap onto you. Protect your peace. Don’t let them provoke you.
Remember that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. We’re all just figuring stuff out as we go, and sometimes learning is messy. We make mistakes, we hurt people, and that’s unfortunate, but it comes with the territory. Start by cutting yourself some slack, so you can show others the same grace. You can’t fully love others while hating yourself. It doesn’t work that way.
The goal is to show each other compassion and be able to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Most people are good folks. We’re all just out here doing the best we can with what we have at that moment. Before you make assumptions and jump to conclusions, before you think the worst of someone, consider them innocent until proven guilty.
Look for the similarities before zooming in on the differences. Try to imagine how you would feel/act if you were in their place. How would you want to be treated? Remember that everyone’s upbringing and experiences are unique. You don’t know the path they’ve been on that led them to this point. Had you followed their path, you might have ended up in the exact same place. Be grateful you didn’t have to. Not everyone was taught the same as you were. Not every wrong turn is a character flaw. We all oops from time to time.
It’s hard to believe sometimes, but in fact, we’re all in this together. The more we can get our egos and unrealistic expectations out of the way to make room for collaboration, the faster we can ALL get to living a life less confined.
