I’m a straight, cis woman. None of that is changing, but I’m coming out as eccentric. Let the crazy old lady times begin! I’m choosing joy, fun, and the freedom to be my whole self without worrying about who society thinks I’m “supposed” to be. Don’t expect me to walk around naked or anything like that, but you might catch me running errands in an evening gown. Expect a certain amount of “weird.” Why should whimsy and play be restricted to something only kids can do? For me, that nonsense ends now.
I spent $98 dollars in Dollarama recently, on things to help me incorporate more fun into my everyday life. A wide-brimmed hat with a sunflower on it, flowy scarves, bubbles, a kid’s archery set, etc. All with the intention of letting more of my silly side out. Our society takes itself FAR too seriously, and why? Who does it actually benefit? It’s important to take some things seriously, like the work we do, but it doesn’t have to require so much fricken repression all the damn time!
Which is why I’m letting my eccentric side loose. I don’t mind looking like a wackadoo, especially if it helps others come out of their shells more. We’re not put on this earth merely to exist. We’re meant to LIVE! That’s what true freedom looks like!
This came out of everywhere
Those who don’t know me might think that this decision to become eccentric came out of nowhere, but there were definitely signs along the way. You could say my decision came out of everywhere. Play, joy, whimsy, etc., are everywhere if you look for them. You just need to be open to it instead of constantly censoring it out of your life based on some misguided belief that you can’t or you’re worried about looking foolish. I’ve got a secret to share with you: appearing foolish is not fatal. Trust me, I’ve tested it…repeatedly, and I’m still here!
I expect that I’m going to piss some people off. Some folks currently in my life might choose to opt out of our relationship. All of that is okay. Not everyone is ready to come out of captivity. Freedom can be extremely uncomfortable, and some prefer the familiarity of what they’re used to versus the freedom that comes from venturing out into the unknown.
Not a license to be an asshole
Some folks mistake unleashing their ego as freedom. That’s not what this is about. This isn’t about doing whatever you want at others’ expense. This is about no longer doing what everyone else says you should do at your own expense. It’s about no longer shrinking yourself to make others comfortable or squeezing yourself to fit into societal norms.
Just because it’s “always” been that way doesn’t mean that’s how it has to be. The fact that it’s what some people are used to doesn’t mean it’s the only way to do things, or even the best way.
This isn’t about imposing yourself on all those around you; it’s about giving yourself permission to be authentic. If you don’t like the way someone else is being authentic, that’s a you problem, not a them problem. Their authenticity doesn’t keep you from being your own authentic self, just like yours doesn’t prevent them from living theirs. That’s what live and let live is all about.
And this definitely isn’t encouraging people to disobey laws and rules put in place to keep people safe. Don’t start driving into oncoming traffic in the name of freedom. There’s a huge difference between being independent and idiotic.
Embrace your eccentric
I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m tired of having total strangers tell me who I’m supposed to be. When did unnecessary conformity become such a badge of honour? Why are we praised for our ability to make ourselves invisible? Why are we taking on supporting roles when we’re the main characters in our own lives? In my 50 years of life so far, I have not been able to find any benefit to it. If anything, it makes so many things worse and destroys our self-worth.
I’m not saying we all need to be the centre of attention 24/7, I’m saying you deserve your moment in the spotlight as much as anyone else, and you should be the one deciding what you do with that moment.
Team jerseys? Sure. Feeling obligated to follow fashion trends? Nonsense. Gender norms? Useless and even harmful. Insisting that playing with toys is just for kids? Ridiculous. Chasing perfection? Insane! Enforcing the lie that worth is derived from productivity? Fatal.
Everyone is running all over the place, burning themselves out, trying desperately to meet unrealistic expectations (even when they’re completely pointless), literally and figuratively dying to stay locked in the tiny container society has told us we have to stay in. Too few stop long enough to question why? What’s the point?
Why do we need to silence our inner child once we become adults? Play is productive! It heals, nourishes creativity and problem-solving, encourages collaboration and socialization, etc. It’s innocent and beautiful and can help bring out the best in us. I think it’s so hard to make friends as adults because we take ourselves too seriously. Heaven forbid we do or say something embarrassing. We put too much pressure on what should just be an enjoyable interaction. We try to control the process instead of just letting it unfold organically.
Freedom requires letting go of control. You can’t be free while worrying about coming off as weird. Newsflash! You’re weird. We all are. It’s part of being unique individuals. We’re not made to fit it. We’re supposed to shine our lights brightly for all to see, not suppress them out of fear of being noticed. We can’t light each other’s way if we’re hiding in the dark.
Different doesn’t mean dangerous
Back in humanity’s cave-dwelling days, and in certain moments when hiding is a matter of life and death, standing out would be dangerous, so, of course, blending in would be essential. But a majority of the time, that is no longer the case. The problem is that many people’s primitive part of their brains hasn’t caught on to the fact that most of us no longer live in constant danger. There is no longer a valid need to suppress non-conformity. We don’t “have to” do nearly as many things as we’re told we need to. We must just ensure we’re prepared to deal with the consequences (if any) of going against the flow.
There are still far too many circumstances when it is dangerous to be different, not because of the rebellious act itself, but because other people can’t sit in the discomfort they feel when watching someone else live their full authenticity. Someone else’s differences somehow trigger their own survival instincts, and they must make the person conform, with violence if necessary. Other people are simply predators who, when they see someone living openly, take it as an invitation to help themselves.
Yes, there is a risk to allowing yourself to be eccentric, to stand out from the crowd, but as much as possible, we can’t let those risks stop us. It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone a little bit at a time or only in circumstances where you feel safe. Plus, here’s the cool part: the more people liberate their eccentric side, the less eccentric it becomes.
Eventually, each of us being our full weird selves becomes the norm, and those who repress others because they feel more comfortable staying repressed become the minority and lose their power to control others. That’s the kind of world I want to live in. That’s why I’m actively working on living a life less confined.
